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The Kristoff Song

March 14, 2014

“I miss your soft lips, I miss your white sheets
I miss the scratch of your unshaved face on my cheek”

Tears run down Anna’s face. Even though it was the middle of Summer – and her white haired sister the Elsa was now in control of her powers, and away to do business in France so she couldn’t affect the weather anyways -, everything felt dark and cold like the most distastefully moist cavern in a mountain top razed by warrior barbarians from Mongolia’s distant pastures. The princess girl of red hair was very depressed, she couldn’t even force the pretense of a smile, and as she watched the birds dancing in the sky in a passionate mating dance of hope and lust, resentment grew in her hateful heart of necrotic pus.

“And this is so hard ’cause I didn’t see
That you were the love of my life and it kills me”

“Hi Anna, do you desire to wander across the wonderous sunlit bays of Arendelle’s Atlantic kissed shores like Njord frenched the passionately wonderous faces of Skadi?” said Olaf, trying to reanimate the mornonically morose pitiful girl with grieveous cardic disorder.

But that did not animate Anna in the slightiest. She was very sad and mad, so she stuffed her hands in the fireplace.

“Oh my love in the bowels of Hell, take my hands as a tribute to our amorous passione as sacrifice to the devil goddess the Hela!” cried Anna like an evil tinamou smashed by igneous rocks of hatred and calimity.

But as her skin burned to a crisp and her tendons bursted in a shower of black blood, the flames of the fireplace changed, changed into an evil face, grinning and flickering it’s ravenous tongue in hateful lust.

“Your lover’s ass is very tight my princess Anna!” said Claude Frollo serpently like a draconic snake of reptilian Squamata tongue.

“AAAAHHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!!” cried Anna, her grief intensifying as she knew Kristoff was being raped for all eternity.

“I see your face in strangers on the street
I still say your name when I’m talking in my sleep”

“Kristoff…. Kristoff…..”

Anna woke up. She was in her bedroom, the windows open to showcase Sunna’s carcinogenic Summer radiance that gave skincancer and blindness to all in Arendelle. It was morning.

“Maybe it was all a dream…” hope Anna, praying to all devils in Hell for it to be true.

“Princess Anna?” said a wonderous manliness voice.

Anna turned her head. Kristoff!

“It was a dream all along!” she cried with much lust in her endometrium.

So she jumped on the sexiness blonde man and frenched him…….. only two things. First, it hadn’t been a dream, so her hands were burned into nothing but her blackened phalanges, so she couldn’t secure herself unto the man and fell down on the floor, breaking her spine and becoming paraplegic, losing bowel control and shitting herself pure putridity yellowish diarrhea. Second, Kristoff was still dead, so she had kissed…………………………………………………………………………OAKEN!!!!!

“NOOOOOOO!!!!!” cried the red haired girl with shit on her clit.

“And in the limelight, I play it off fine
But I can’t handle it when I turn off my night light”

Anna was in a wheelchair. She had become paraplegic, so she couldn’t move. Her servants had also put some really tight diapers on her butt, because she could not control her internal organs and was in fact just one step away from losing her intestines in her next dump. Everyone in the Kingdom was most pitifully filled with sympathy for her, but she always smiled and was most careless as always, even though she was dead inside and very traumatised. Her fireplace was always on fire, because she wanted to drive away the night trolls and demons that had killed Kristoff. But she would never be safe.

“Mmm, your boyfriend’s arse is much savoury in it’s exploded prolapsy!” Frollo said devilfully.

“Yes, you should see his face Anna” said Hans.

“WTF DID YOU DIE TOO?????!!!!!” Anna asked.

“Indeed, and now your boyfriend is mine! He now hates you Anna, because you put him here!”

“Nooooo…..” the princess girl sobbed.

“They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me
Young love murder, that is what this must be
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone”

“Princess Anna?” asked Olaf, he wanted to see his boudacious friend with no distasteful fat carcinomas the breasts.

He opened the door. It was rather bright, because it was midday and the window was opened. Lots of tits (the birds, you sicko!) were gathering around the bed….. they were eating Anna’s dead corpse!

“ANNA!!!” cried the snowman, snapping the evil passerine necks with his hands of the chinese element of Wood.

But it was in vain. Anna’s corpse was pale like the face of the Full Moon casting it’s light on the white sands of a beach where young boys were violated by psychotic leatherback sea turtles of gonorrhea desires, bleeding proffoundly most rotten carcinoma blood into the disintegrated earth as seagulls nibbled at their cocks.

“The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed
Young love murder, that is what this must be
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone”

Anna woke up, again. She was no longer in Arendelle, she was now in a horrible place filled with orange light, where the ground was made of human flesh, the walls made of shit and the ceiling made of decaying tumourous mammaries, lactating diarrhea that fell on Anna’s hair, mouth and eyes. She swallowed with much pleasure, then vomited because it tasted very bad.

“Welcome to my new kingdom!” laughed an evil and fell voice.

Anna snapped her neck, getting paraplegic again. It was…………………………………………………………………..ELSA!!!!!

“ELSA!? What are you doing here!?”

“I died Anna, Princess Ariel captured and ate me alive, because she is devil mermaid with cockroaches in her pussy. But that matters not. You’re in Hell for all eternity Anna, you can only escape if you reincarnate as an extremely poor male 13 year old giggolo full of AIDS and cataracts that gets raped by barbwire cock constipation muslim sunbitterns all the time!”

“But why!? What did I do to deserve this!?” cried the red haired princess, her hair was muddy and brown like a rotten elephant’s arse, and smelled worse than one too.

“I hate you Anna, you didn’t let me die and end my misery while you had fun dying! Now you get your price and shall suffer for eternity!”

“But do not despair, we are joined at last….” said another voice………..KRISTOFF. He was laying on the ground, tied to corpses with ropes made of cow’s intestines, completly naked, full of bruises and castrated, his genitals hastily ripped off and leaving huge chunks of mutilated flesh. The shit from the ceiling had fell on his wounds, making them very necrotic and full of maggots and worms feasting on the flesh.

“My love, thank goodness you’re here!” cried the Anna with her desesperation endometrium.

“‘Thank goodness I’m here’? So you want me to suffer in hell, Anna? I thought you loved me!”

“N-no I-”

“You have spoken, now you shall serve your sentence!” said Judge Claude Frollo, grasping Anna’s perfectly flat, boobless chest.

And so the princess was raped and tortured by her sister, Hans, Kristoff and Judge Claude Frollo for 10,000 years of pure misery and woe. Then she was reborn as the giggolo, and had a tortuous life of rape, disease, violence and diarrhea until he died by 19. Then he went to hell again, and suffered the sum of all tortures from all his/her past lives until the universe reached terminal heat death.

The end.

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