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Because everyone else is doing it

February 7, 2013

AN: Special fangz (get it, cos Im umbra) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) jeanne, umbrantearz555 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Luka ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Bayonetta Cereza and I have long ebony black hair (it covers my entire body) and icy gray eyes like limpid smoke and a lot of people tell me I look like Helena Taylor (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Cereza Rosa but I wish I was because she’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a witch but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a demon-summoner, and I go to a magic town called Vigrid in Europe where I’m not in the seventh year (I’m five hundred years old). I’m an umbra (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Vigrid. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of angels stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Dipper Pines!

“What’s up Dipper?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!


AN: Fangz 2 umbrantearz555 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW angels stop flaming ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some lollipop syrup from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Jeanne (AN: Jeanne dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length dove white hair with pink streaks and opened her mountain-gray eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Dipper Pines yesterday!” she said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Dipper?” she asked as we went out of the hotel apartment and into a cafe.

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Dipper walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Isla del Sol.” he told me.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.


AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY ANGLES OK! odderwize fangs 2 da umbran ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN JEANE! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some manotaur blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Dipper was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

“Hi Dipper!” I said in a depressed voice.

“Hi Bayonetta.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

“You come in cold, you’re covered in blood
They’re all so happy you’ve arrived
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life.” sang Joel (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

“Joel is so fucking hot.” I said to Dipper, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Dipper looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Dipper sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Joel and he’s going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Dipper. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Dipper and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Dipper didn’t go back into Vigrid, instead he drove the car into… Gravity Falls!


AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is BNAYOETTA nut mary su OK! DIPPER IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

“DIPPER!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Dipper didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Bayonetta?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Dipper leaned in extra-close to my legs and I looked down into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then… suddenly just as I Dipper jumped on me and kissed me passionately. Dipper climbed again on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….


It was….Mabel Pines!


AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a angel or a lumn sag! Da only reson Mabel Pins swor is coz she had a hedache ok an on tup of dat she wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

Mabel made and Dipper and I follow her. She kept shouting at us angrily.

“You ludacris fools!” she shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Dipper comforted me. When we went back to the shack Mabel took us to Grunkle Stan and Soos who were both looking very angry.

“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” she yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Soos.

“How dare you?” demanded Grunkle Stan.

And then Dipper shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”

Everyone was quiet. Mabel and Soos still looked mad but Grunkle Stan said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

Dipper and I went upstairs while the other characters glared at us.

“Are you okay, Bayonetta?” Dipper asked me gently.

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the girl’s room and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Dipper was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna live’ by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.


AN: shjt up angles ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the cafe, I ate some Franken Berry cereal with lollipop syrup instead of milk, and a glass of red lollipop syrip. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the syrup spilled over my top.

“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked down cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He never had glasses and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Dipper’s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore, because there had never been one. He didn’t have a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy Massachusettian accent. He looked exactly like midget Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Norman Babcock, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled.

“Well, I am an umbra witch.” I confessed.

“Really?” he whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Dipper came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Bayovetta isn’t a Marie Sue ok she isn’t perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Dipper and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs in the shack. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Dipper. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Dipper. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

“Oh Dipper, Dipper!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Dipper’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!

I was so angry.

“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Dipper pleaded. But I knew too much.

“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!”

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Dipper ran out even though he was naked. He had a really small you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire’s classroom where he was having a lesson with Grunkle Stan and some other people.



AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r ann angle!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Dipper came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

“Bayonetta, it’s not what you think!” Dipper screamed sadly.

My friend B’loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic red hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Wendy was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Father Balder killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not whatever the hell it was on the show. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Wii U now not Playstation. )

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Stan demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

“Vampire, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Dipper!” I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don’t know why Bayonetta was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I’m bi and so is Bayonetta) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Pacifica Northwest, a stupid angel fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with an angel.)

“But I’m not going out with Dipper anymore!” said Vampire.

“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Gravity Falls Forest where I had lost my virility to Dipper and then I started to bust into tears.


AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn pled all da gayms! dis is frum da tv seris ok so itz nut my folt if mabel swers! besuizds I SED SHE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson stan dosent lik nroman now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Dipper for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Dipper.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with white eyes and a nose and everything started flying towards me with peacock feathers! He had an ugly nose (basically like Father Balder in the game) and he was wearing all white and gold and it was obvious he wasn’t umbran. It was… Father Balder!

“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Father Balder shouted “I’emballa!” and I couldn’t run away or I’d be burned.

“Waddles!” I shouted at him. Waddles jumped at Father Balder and he fell and he started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I told Waddles to go away.

“Bayonetta.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Babcock!”

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Dipper had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Dipper went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

“No, Father Balder!” I shouted back.

Father gave me a gun. “I already have this!” I said.

“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Dipper!”

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

Father Balder got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Dipper!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his peacock wings.

I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Dipper came into the woods.

“Dipper!” I said. “Hi!”

“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No.” he answered.

“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.

“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into Vigrid together making out.


AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b’loody mary isn’t a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd consoles ok!

I was really scared about Ftaher Baldr all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my umbran metal band Bloody Umbran Rose 555. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B’loody Mary, Vampire, Dipper, Neil Downe (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Robbie. Only today Dipper and Vampire were depressed so they weren’t coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Dipper was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn’t die because he was an umbra witch too and the only way you can kill an umbra witch is with an A-U-D-I-T-I-O (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.

We were singing a cover of ‘Helena’ and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

“Bayonetta! Are you OK?” B’loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

“What the fuck do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Father Balder came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Norman! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Dipper. But if I don’t kill Norman, then Father Balder, will fucking kill Dipper!” I burst into tears.
Suddenly Dipper jumped out from behind a wall.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking lumen sage bitch!” (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Dipper started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Mabel walked in angrily! Her eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause she had a headache.

“What have you done!” She started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time she wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Bayonetta Dipper has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.”


AN: i sed stup flaming up angles! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend jean 4 hleping me!

“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! B’loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Mabel Pines chased after me shouting but she had to stop when I went into my room cause she would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Sheriff Blubs was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Edwin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their police car.

“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

“What are you doing firing a cam at civilians? This is for the FBI to do!” he yelled at Blubs and Edwin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Blubs and Edwin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Mabel Pines ran in. “Bayonetta, it has been revealed that someone has – NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” she shouted looking at Blubs and Edwin and then she threw Waddles at them and suddenly…

Robbie ran outside on his bike and said everyone we need to talk.

“What do you know, Robbie? You’re just a little Gravity Falls student!”


“This cannot be.” Blubs said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Waddles had licked him. “There must be other factors.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.

Edwin held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

“Why are you doing this?” Edwin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to sic demons on him and send him to Inferno because I felt faint.

“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Robbie said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his iPod in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a punk version of Fly Me To The Moon.

“Because you’re umbra?” Blubs asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Queen Sheeba.

“Because I LOVE HER!”


AN: stop f,aing ok robbie isnt a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I didnt wunt 2 adres da ishu! how du u no stan iant kristian plus rob isn’t really in luv wif ebony dat was lil gideon ok!

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Diver had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS ROBbie but it was Vampire. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY NONEXISTENT SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

I stopped. “How did u know?”

“I saw it! And my scar turned into z lightning bolt!”

“NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a scar!” I shouted.

“I don’t but Diabolo drew one with crayons for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and it turned into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Dipper….Father Balder has him bondage!”

Anyway I was in the school nurse’s office now recovering from my slit wrists. Blubs and Edwin and ROHBI were there too. They were going to NAMBLA headquarters after they recovered cause they weren’t pedofiles and you have to have those fucking pervs working in a town with lots of hot boyz. Mabel had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Robbie came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

“Baynoetta I need to tell u somethnig.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

“Fuck off.” I told him. “You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like fucked up angels like you.” I snapped. Robbie had been mean to me before for being umbran.

“No Bayoneatta.” Robbie says. “Those are not roses.”

“What, are they witches too you lumen sage?” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

“I saved your life!” He yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Blubs and Edwin.” Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

“Whatever!” I yelled angirly.

He pointed his iPod at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses.” He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that’s all you haD TO SAY! .

“That’s not a spell that’s an MCR song.” I corrected him wisely.

“I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes.” Then he screamed. “Wello whoo wantsu ae lambae lambae lambae(4 all u cool umbran gravity falls fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for jean I love you girl!)Souo goi upo andae greeteu youro mammu mammu mammu!”

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn’t an angel.

“OK I believe you now wtf is Dipper?”

Robbie rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

“U c, Bayooneta,” Mobel said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”

“I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN LITTLE GIRL!” Robbie yelled. MAAbEl lookd shockd. I guess she didn’t have a headache or else she would have said something back.

Robbie stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, little gurl Mbel pins!”

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don’t know who she iz ur an angel so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

“You look kawai, girl.” B’loody Mary said sadly. “Fangs (geddit) you do too.” I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Blubs and Ewdin couldn’t spy on me this time. I went to some shops. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Dipper had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Dipper. He was sucking some blood from Mc Gucket.

“Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an wquallysaid way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Norman had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dippers. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Soos who was watching us and so was everyone else.

“Vampire you fucker!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Dipper!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

“NO!” I ran up closer.

“I thought you didn’t have a scar!” I shouted.

“I don’t but Diabolo drew a pentagram shaped one with crayons for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Dipper….Fafer Baldr has him bondage!”




AN: jeane fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! ANGLES STOP FLAMIGNG!

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Mabel. We were so scared.

“Mabel Babel!” we both yelled. Mabel came there.

“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” she asked angrily.

“Faser Blader has Dipper!” we shouted at the same time.

She laughed in an evil voice.

“No! Don’t! We need to save Dipper!” we begged.

“No.” she said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Father Balder does to Dipper. Not after how much he misbehaved in Vigrid especially with YOU Bayonetta.” she said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then she walked away. Vampire started crying. “My Dipper!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)

“Its okay!” I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” he exclaimed.

“What?” I asked him.

“You’ll see.” he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Fafther Balder’s lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Go to Helios!”
It was….. Father Balder!


AN: fuk off ANGLES ok! Jeanne fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 purgatorio kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!


We ran to where Fathcer Baldr was. It turned out that Flader Balda wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who obsessed over Mabel was. Dipper was there crying tears of blood. Lil Gideon was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Lil Gideon.

“Rid my sight you despicable angels!” he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “.” he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a cake-eater ok)

“Huh?” I asked.
“Baynoetta I love you will you have sex with me?” asked Lil Gideon. I started laughing crudely. “What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

“Nooooooooooooo!” he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.

“Lil Gideon what art thou doing?” called Father Balder. Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our missiles and we flew to Vigrid. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

“What’s wrong honey?” asked Dipper taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really small you-know-what and everything.

“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and angels here except for B’loody Mary, because she’s not ugly or anything.”

“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the angels anyway. They are such fucking sluts.” answered Dipper.

“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Blubs and Edwin took a video of me naked. Robbie says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Lil Gideon is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Dipper! Why couldn’t Queen Sheeba have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory bayonaetta isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away.

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona kull anne angle! fangz 2 jean 4 hlpein!

“Bayonetta Bayonetta!” shouted Dipper sadly. “No, please, come back!”

But I was too mad.

“Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!” I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Dipper and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Dipper!

“Baynoetta I love you!” he shouted sadly. “I dnot care what those fucker angels and lumn saegs fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!.” Then…. he started to sing “Da Chronicles of Life and Death” (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don’t u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .

“OMFG.” I said after he was finished. Some fucking angels stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Dipper’s now) at them. “I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Soos shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Gravity Falls right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.


AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut angles! jeanne u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Janne wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 umbramatriarch5655 4 techin muh japnese!

We ran happily to Gravity Falls. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing ‘Helena’. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Dipper thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Dipper was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,….. Fathser Balder and da Hierarochy of Laguna!

“Wtf Dipper im not going to a concert wid u!” I shouted angrily. “Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them”

“What cause we…you know…” he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don’t like to talk a bout you-know-what.

“Yeah cause we you know!” I yielded in an angry voice.

“We won’t do that again.” Dipper promised. “This time, we’re going with an ESCORT.”

“OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?” I asked. “So I guess ur an angel or a Jubelius roshipper or what now?”

“NO.” he muttered loudly.

“R u becoming an angel or what?” I shootd angrily.

“Bayonetta! I’m not! Pls come with me!” He fell down to his knees and started singing ‘Da world is black’ by GC to me.

I was flattened cause that’s not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

“OK then I guess I will have to.” I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

B’loody Mary was standing there. “Hajimemashite gurl.” she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do’ in japanese). “BTW Jeanne that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her angel tragets.” (an: JEANNE U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)

“It serves that fuking bich right.” I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. “Maybe Jeanne will die too.” I said.

“Kawai.” B’loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. “Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den ewdin did it with her cause he’s a necphilak.”

“Kawai.” I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.

“OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with dipper tonight in Grabaity Fall with mcr.” I sed. ” I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA.”

B’Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. “Omfg totally lets go shopping.”

“In Hot Topic, right?” I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

“No.” My head snaped up.

‘WHAT?” my head spuin. I could not believe it. “B’Loody Mary are u a PREP?”

“NOOOO!NOOOO!” She laughed. “I found some cool goffic stores near Vigrid that’s all.”

“Hu told u abut them” I askd sure it would be Dipper or Diabolo or Vampire(don’t even SAY that nam to me!). Or me.

“Maybel.” She sed. “Let me just call our broms.”

“OMFFG MAYBEL?” I asked quietly.

“Yah I saw the map for Gravity Falls on her desk.” She told me. “Come on let’s go.”

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Gravity Falls. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. “We only have these for da real goffs.”

“Da real goffs?” Me and B’Loody Mary asked.

“Yah u wouldn’t believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday bubs and edwin tried to buy a goffic camera pouch.” He shook his head. “I dint even no they had a camera.”

“OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!” I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

“Oh my queen sheeba you have to buy that outfit” The salesperson said.

“Yeah it looks totlly hot.” said B’Loody Mary.

“You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah I am actually.” I looked back at him. “Hey BTW my name’s beyonetta cereza CEREZA what’s yours?”

“Tom Balder.” He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. “maybe I’ll see you there tonight.”

“Yeah I don’t think so cause I am going there with my bf dipper you sick perv!” I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Robbie crashed in on his black bike looking worried. “OMFG BEYONETTA U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE VIGRID NOW!”


AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a angle den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur an angel or not by ma guid itz on ma gayme. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz jan isn’t rely an angle. Jeanne plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!

Tom Balder gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Rorbid kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Vigrid. “WTF Rorbbie?” I shouted angrily. “Fuck off you fjucking bastard.” Well anyway Jeanne came. Rorbbie went away angrily.

“Hey bitch you look kawaii.” she said.

“Yah but not as kawaii as you.” I answered sadly cause Jeanne’s really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.

“So r u going 2 da concert wif Dipper?” she asked.

“Yah.” I said happily.

“I’m gong with Diabolo.” she anserred happily. Well anyway Dipper and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said ‘666’ on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Dipper was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B’loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Manly Dan but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Manly Dan converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Wii U now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Dipper’s black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his uncle Stan gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. Dipper and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there….I gapsed.

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn’t Gerard at all! It was an ugly angelic man wif a nose and white eyes… Every1 ran away but me and Dipper. Dipper and I came. It was….Fattser Balder and da Hieromancy of Laguna!

“U moronic idiots!” he shooted angstily. “Bayonett, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Dipper!”

“No no please!” We begged sadly but he took out his knife.

Sudenly an umbran young girl flu in on hr skateboard. She had lung black hair and a looong black bread. She wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. She shotted a spel and Fater Blader ran away. It was…MAABEL!


AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken angle! fangz 2 jannne 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut an ange. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson mobel swor is koz she trin 2 be mbra so der!

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.

(Da night before Dipper and I rent back to the shock (geddit skull koz im umbra n I like tortur). Mobal chased Fether Baldir away. We flew there on our missiles. Mine was black and the missile-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Dipper had a black MCR missile. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.)

Well anyway I went down to the cafe. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.

“WTF!” I shouted going to sit next to B’loody Mary and Jeanne. B’loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Jeanne was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Dipper came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

“Those guys are so fucking hot.” Manly Dan was saying as suddenly a gothic young girl with a black prosthetic beard and everything came. She was the same one who had chassed away Father Blador yesterday. She had normal tan skin but she was wearing white foundation and she had died her hare black.

“….MABAL?1!” we all gasped.

“WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought she was just wearing that to scare Feather Baldon!”

“Hello everyone.” she said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”

Everyone from the lumen sage table in da odder side of da room started to cheer. Well we umbras just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a lumen sage she was!1.

“BTW you can call me Alberta.” SHE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our work.

“What a fucking lumen sage!” Dipper shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn’t say anything. “I bet she’s havin a puberty crisis!” Jeanne shouted.

I was so fucking angry.


AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken angle n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW bayonet a chil form a lumon an a umbra so der!1 fangz 2 jeanne 4m da help!11

All day we sat angerly finking about Mabell. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go.

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut work. Dipper was being all secretive.

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot).

“No one fucking understands me!1” he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im umbra) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik)

“Accuse me? What about me!” I growled.

“Buy-but-but-” he grunted.

“You fucking bastard!” I moaned.

“No! Wait! It’s not what it fucking looks like!” he shouted.

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Dipper banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (jeanne that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.

Suddenly Robbie came. He had appearated.

“You gave me a fucking shock!” I shouted angrily dropping my pot. “Wtf do you fink you’re doing in da gurl’s room?”

Only it wasn’t just Robbie. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Balder or maybe Dipper but it was Mable.

“Hey I need to ask you a question.” she said, pulling out her black wanabe-umbra purse. “What are u wearing to the concert?”

“U no who MCR r!” I gasped.

“No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2.” She said. “Anyway Dipper has a surprise for u.”


AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok angles!1 fangz 2 jeanne 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.

All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Fater Bald had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Dipper so we could do it again.

“Wut de fucking hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Soos! “R u gonna cum rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Mable had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Stan since he was a spic.

“No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns.” he growld angrily.

“Yah, so u can fuk steel mah jub, huh?” I shouted sarkastikally.

“Fuker.” He said, gong away.

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped….Stan and Soos were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Mitch was watching!1

“Oh my god you ludacris idiot!” they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Mitch ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking angles. (btw stan is movd 2 wii u now)

“WTF is that why u wanted condoms?” I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)

“Only you wouldn’t give them to me!” Soos shouted angrily.

“Well you shoulda told me.” I replayed.

“You dimwit!.” Stan began 2 shoot angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.

“Well xcuse me!” they both shouted angrily. “What was dat al about?”

“It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked. “So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I’ll show dis to Maple. So fuck off, u bastards!” I started to run. They chased me but I threw my durka at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.

“WTF where’d Dipper?” I asked him.

“Oh he’s bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn’t cum.” Vampire said shaking his hed. “U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?”

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his ghostmother had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR555 on it. The one on da back said ‘BENOAYETTA’ on it.

….I gasped.

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.

Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing ‘Helena’ and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Dipper, cryin in a corner.


AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich jearnne cuz it fok u angles!1 woopz soz jean fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!

Later we all went in the skull. Dipper was crying in da common room. “Dipper are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice.

“No I’m not u fuking bitch!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.

“Its ok Baynoetta.” said Vampire comfortly. “Ill make him feel better.”

“U mean you’ll go fuck him wont you!” I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Dipper. Vampire came too.

“Dipper please come!” he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)

And then….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Chesire there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

“WHOSE THERE!” he shouted angrily. We saw Luka come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.

“IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Mr. Chesire.

“No fuck u you angelic little lamen sag sun of a fukcing bich!” Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way.

“EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Chesire. Den he heard Luka meow. “Luk is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked. Luke nodded. And then….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as….. Mr. Chesire was taking of da cloak!1

“WHAT DA-” he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Dipper crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da town.

“Dipper!” I cried. “R u okay?”

“I guess though.” Dipper weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Dipper and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Princss Bubblgum and da Adventur Tim walked into the shack!1


AN: stfu! angles stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. chesire itz jan’s folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding jaen u fokieng rok angels suk!1

All day everyone talked about the Adventurn Tiem. Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped.

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Dipper, Dracula and Jeanne!

I opened my crimson eyes. Jeanne was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Dipper was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B’loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said ‘bich’ and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Courtney) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Candy Chiu and Brenda. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Candy and Brenda’s dads were wiccans. They committed suicide by slitting deir wrists with a razor. They had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became umbra and converted to Stanism.

“OMFG” I yielded as I jumped up. “Why the fuck are u all here?”

“Baynoeatta something is really fucked up.” Dipper said.

“OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first.” I shouted angrily.

“It’s all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful.” Dipper said in a sexy voice.

“Oh all right.” I said smiling. “But you have to tell me why your being all erective.”

“I will I will.” he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the cafe and looked in from a widow. A fucking angel called Pacifica Northwest from Wii U was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the cafe we could see Mombel. Princess Bubblegum was there shouting at Mabel. Marceline was there too.

“THIS CANNOT BE!” she shouted angrily. “THE SHACK MUST BE CLOSED!”



“Very well.” Mabel said angrily. “Butt we cannot do this. We can’t close the shack. There is only one person who is capable of killing Father Balder and she is in the shack. And her name is…..Bayonet Cereza!.”

Dipper, Candy, Brenda, Darkness, Jeanne, Vampire and B’loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped.


AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 jeanne 4 da help n telin me bout da gams gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha!

The door opened and Marceline and Princess Bubblegum stomped out angrily. Then Mapel and Marceline sawed us.

“MR. CEREZA WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!” Marceline shouted angrily. Mabel blared at her.

“Oops she made a mistake!” she corrupted her. “She means hi everybody cum in!”

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other people. I sat between Darkness and Dipper and opposite B’loody Mary. Candy and Brenda started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Franken Berry and drank som syrup from a cup. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Dipper were shooting at eachother.

“Vampire, Dipper WTF?” I asked.

“You fucking bustard!” yelled Dipper at Vampire. “I want to shit next to her!1”

“No I do!” shouted.

“No she doesn’t fucking like u, you son of a bitch!” yelled Dipper.

“No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!” shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Dipper! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other.

Mabel yelled at them but they didn’t stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with white eyes and a nose flew in on his broomstick. He had a nose and was wearing a white n gold robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Pacifica Northwest that fucking angel started to cry. Vampire and Dipper stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent….Fatter Bald!

“Bayonet…..Baeonayta….” Darth Mauler sed evilly in his raspy voice. “Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Dipper too!”

“Plz don’t make me kill him plz!” I begged.

“No!” he laughed crudely. “Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!” Then he flew away cackling.

I bust into tears. Dipper and Vampire came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Fat Balder coming to kill Dipper while Dipper slit his wrists in a depressed way.

“No!” I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.

“Bayotta Bayenotta aure you alright?” asked Dipper in a worried voice.

“Yeah yeah.” I said sadly as I got up.

“Everyfing’s all right Baeyonetta.” said Vampire all sensetive.

“No its not!” I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. “OMFG what if I’m getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!”

“Its ok gurl.” said B’loody Mary. “Maybe u should ask Multi-Bear about what the visions mean though.”

“Ok bich.” I said sadly and den we went.


AN: angles stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 jeann fagz 4 di help!

Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Multi-Bear about the visions.

“Konnichiwa everybody come in.” said Multi-Bear in Japanese. He smelled at me with his gothic black lipstick. He’s da coolest fucking teacher ever. He had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. (hs mom woz a vampire. He’s also haf Japanese so he speaks it and everyfing. he n b’loody mry get along grate) He’s really young for a teacher. 2day he was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it.

“What is it Bayonetta?” he asked. “Hey I love ur nail polish where’d u get it, Hot Topik?”

“Yeah.” I answered. All the angels who didn’t know what HT was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. “Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?”

“Ho about now?” he asked.

“OK.” I said.

“OK class fucking dismissed every1.” Trickster said and he let every1 go. “Except for you Britney.” he pointed at Britney and sum other angles. “Please do exorcize (geddit) 1 on page 3.”

“OK I’m having lotz of visions.” I said in a worried voice. I’m so worried is Dipper gong 2 die.

Well he gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.

“What do you c?” he asked.

“I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram.”

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Dipper. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.

“Okay you can go now, see ya cunt.” said Multi-Bear.

“Bye bitch.” I said waving.

I went to Dipper and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Dipper together and I was so exhibited.


AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Luka 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 jeanne fangz for de help!1

I was so excited. I fellowed Dipper wandering if we where going 2 do it again. We went outside and then we went into Dipper’s black car.

“Bayonetta what the fuck did Multi Bear say.” whispered Dipper potting his umbran whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine.

“He said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow.” I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. He started to fly the car into a tree. We went to the top of it. Dipper put on some MCR.

“And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me.” sang Gerard’s sexy voice. We started tiling of each other’s cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.

“OMFG Dipper Dipper!” I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly… I fell asleep. I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two umbran men with long black hair.

“No! Please don’t fucking kill us!1” they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car.

“No! Oh my fucking god!11” I shouted in a scared voice.

“Bayonetta what’s wrong?” Dipper asked me as I woke up opening my icy gray eyes.

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Dipper to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Stan and Mitch!111


AN: ANGEZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng angle! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11

A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree. He was wearing a blak leather jackson, black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.

“Hi Vampire.” I said flirtily as I started to sob. Dipper hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened.

“Oh fuck it!” Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. “What fucking dick did that!”

“I don’t know.” I said. “Now come on we have 2 tell Mabel.”

We ran out of the tree and in2 da castle. Mabelor was sitting in her office.

“Sire are friends have been shot!” Dipper said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. “Bayonetta had a vision in a dreem.”

Maple started to cockle. “Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Bayonetta’s not divisional?”

I glared at Mabel.

“Look motherfucker.” he said angrily as Mabel gasped (c is da toot of crakter). “U know very well that I’m not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!”

“Okay.” she said in a intimated voice. “Were are they?”

I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. “Longdon.” I said. I told her which street. She went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few mistunes she came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called her again. She said that they had been found. Dipper, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Dipper to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. We looked at each other’s umbran, derperessed eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Mitch and Stan came in on stretchers….and Multi Bear was behind them!1


AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u angelez fink abot me!1111 so stup flaming da foking story bichez!1111 fangz 2 jeanne 4 ur luv n sport n help i luv u gurl soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd n I silt muh rists I had 2 go 2 da hospital jan u rok gurl!11111111111111111111

Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them. Dipper, Stan, Mitch bond Vampire all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine.

“Cum on Baynoetta.” said Multi Beorn. He was wearing a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it and fuking black platinum boots. “I have to tell you the fucking perdition.”

I locked at Stan, Mithed, Dip and Vampire. They nodded.

I smelled happily and went into a dark room. I had changed Multi Bear took out some black cards. He started to look into a black crucible ball. He said… “Cereza, I see drak times are near.” He said badly. He peered into da balls. “You see, you must go back in time.” He took out a time-tape like Mabel and Dipper had. “When Father Bald was in Vigrid before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Fax Blader if he was in love?” I shook my head. “U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it.”

“Okay.” I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin. I went outside again sadly.

“What fucking happened?” asked Dipper and Vampire.

“Yeah what happened?” asked Darkness, Jeanne and Boldy Mary?

I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating Stan and Mitch being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Dipper. They were cheesing my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Mabel. A banner was put up. Lotz of fucking angelz were there oviously tring 2 be b wiccan wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. Even Mr. Chesire looked happy. A blak and red cake had been brought out. Candy and Brenda set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Summerween’s Whizard Wises.

I put on my Invisibility coke with Vampire and Dipper and we sneaked outside 2gether.


AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen multani beer sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! jennae hav fun wif kiwi!1111111

We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath.

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. So did Dipper and Vampire.

“Are you okay?” Vampir asked potting his albastard hand on mine. He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it.

“Yah I guess.” I said sadly. Dipper also pot his hand on mine sexily. I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick. “The problem is….I have to seduce my father. Ill have 2 go bak in time”

Dipper started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him.

“Itz okay Baybonetta.” he said finally. “But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?”

“Of coarse not!” I gasped.

“Really?” he asked.

“Sure.” I said.

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly.

Then… I took off Dipper’s MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone. He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Baynoetta on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.

“I love you Bayoennta. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u.” he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly….


It was….Soos and Pacifica Northwest!111


AN: sot das fok up!11 ur jus jelouz koz ur anglez so fok u!1111 rjanne u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX 555!111111111111

“Oh my queen sheeba!1” we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin. Soos and Pacifica Northwest started to shoot at us angrily.

“CUM NOW!1!” Preacher Northwestern yielded. We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoos garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.

“Hey what the fuck!111” Vampire shooted angrily.

“Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?” Dipper demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes. “Look, Mbael noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to NAMBLA Headquarters. So give back da camera!1111”

Hahahaha the Mystery of Adventur Tim thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Soos laughed meanly.

“Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!” yelled Pacifica Nrothwest. She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it. Dipper started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol jason ritter rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111).

I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in nite wath jeanne sed so ok so fok u!1). Vampire took out a black honkerchief and started to wipe my red eyes.

And then….. he and Soop both took out guns using ghost magic. They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. I took out my wand.

“Waddles!” I shouted. Soos stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. I STOPPED DA CURSE. Pacifica Northwest did a spell so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. Den she said “OK Stoons I’m going 2 go now.” She left. Saos started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry.

“It’s ok Baynoetta.” said Dipper. “Evergreen will be all right. Remember the cideo u took of Stan.”

Soos laughed again. And then…he took out some whips!1!1111


AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111 so FUL U!111 if u flam u wil be a angel so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass!111 soz 4 soz 4 sayin downs syrdorn is dongerous but datz da adventur tiem opinin koz sosiety basically sux. fangz 2 jeane u rok bich!111

“No!11” we screamed sadly. Soo stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then… he came tords Drip!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Dipper and nit a candle.

“What the fuck r u doing!” I shooted arngrily. Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Lumen Sage Sigil on his you-know-wut!11!

He waved his hand and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me.

“U must stab Vrompire.” he said to me. “If u don’t then I’ll rap Dipper!1”

“No you fucking bastrad!1” I yielded.

But den Dipper looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Dipper and Mobel came and the tame where Dipper almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive.

Sioos laughed angrily. He started to prey to Father Bald. He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Dipper and Vampire. Suddenly an idea I had. I clozd my eyes and using my umbra powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Dripper and Vampire so they would destruct Soos.

“Malbeldork will get u!” Dipper shooted.

“Yah just wait ubtil da Adventur Tim find out!11” Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I began summoning da demons.

“You ridiculus dondderhed!111” Snoos yielded. He took off all of Dripo’s clothes. Just as he was about to rape him….

“Telach Vovin!” I shited pointing my hair. Snoos scremed and started running around da room screming as da centipede tried 2 eat him. Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Match. I stopped doing crucio.

“You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-” shooted Soos but suddenly Stanoos came.

San put the whip behind his bak. “Oh hello Sten I wuz just teaching them sumthing.” he lied. But suddenly Mictah and Multi Bear came in2 da room and they and Stan unlocked the chains and put dem around Soop. Then Multi Bear said ‘Come on Baynoeatta let’s go.”


AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111 stop kalin bayonnta a mary su ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 fangz 2 muh bff jeane 4 di help!1111

“I always knew u were on Father Balder’s side, you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111).” Soos said 2 Stan.

“No I’m not I was teaching them somefing!1” Stan clamed.

“Oh fucking yeah?” I took some blak Father-Balder-serum out of my poket and gave it to Stan. He made Soos dirnk it. He did arngrily. Then Mitch took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Stan. Then Multani Bearon and Mitch made us get out wif them while Stan told his secretes. Mitch took Vampure and Dipper to the nurse after thanking me a millon times. Mutant Beer took me to a dark room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce my father. Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana were all over. Wendy, Darkness and Jeanne came too. B’loody Mary gave me a blak bag from Tom BLDER’s store.

“Whatz in da bag?” I asked Mutli Bear.

“U will c.” he said. I opened thee bag. In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather gothic dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg. I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz and blak pointy boots Jeanne had chosen. Jeanne and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick.

“You look fucking kawaii, bitch.” B’loody Mary said.

“Fangs.” I said.

“Ok now you’re going to go back in tim.” said Multi Bar. “U will have to do it in a few sessionz.” He gave me a blak gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill. Then she gave me a black time-tape. “After an hour use da time taper to go back here.” Multi Bear said. Then he and B’loody Mary put a pond in front of me. Every1 went in front of it.

“Good luk!1” Everryone shooted. Darkess and Jane gave me deth’s touch sin. Then….. I jumped sexily in2 da pond while stretching da time tape.

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh Purgatorio. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest umbra guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…:Mundus!1111


AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt mundu dat wuz a mistak!1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111

“Hi.” I said flirtily. “Im Bayonetto Cerza da new student.” I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him.

“Da name’s Balder.” he said. “But u kan call me Sheeba. Datz ma middle nam”

We shok hands. “Well come on we have 2 go upstairs.” Sheeba said. I followed him. “Hey Sheeba… u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?” (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked.

“Oh my fuking god, how did u know?” Sheeba gasped. “actually I like gc a lot too.”(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that’s ounded really 80s)

“omg me too!” I replied happily.

“guess what they have a concert in Vergant.” sheeba whispered.

“vergant?” I asked.

“yeah that’s what they used to call it in these time before it became Virgrid in 2000.” he told me all sekrtivly. “and theres a really cool shop called Hot-”

‘topic!” I finshed, happy again.

He froned confusedly. “noo its called Hot Ishoo.” He smiled skrtvli again. “then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic.” he moaned.

“ohh.” now everything was making sense for me. “so is stan your princepill?” I shouted.

“uh-huh.” he looked at his black nails. “im in wii u'”


“u go to this skull?”(geddit cos im umbran) he asked.

“yah that’s why im here im NEW.” I SMELLED HAPPili.

Suddenly grunkle stan flew in on his missile and started shredding at us angrily. “NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!” he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. “STUPID UMBRA WITCHES!”

sheeba rolled his eyes. “his so mean to us umbra and lumen just becose we’re in wii u and we’re not angles.”

I turned around angrily. “actually I fink mebe its becos ur mi dad.”

“wtf?” he asked angrily.

“oh nuffin.” I said sweetly.

then suddenlyn…. the floor opened. “OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly.”

“hey where r u goin?” sheeba asked as I fell.

I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pond in multi bear’s cavern. grunkkkle stan wuz dere. “stan I think I just met u.” I said.

“oh yeah I rememba that.” stan said, trying to be all umbran.

bear came in. “hey dis is my cavern wait wtf baynoetta what da hell r u doing?”

:”um.” I looked at him.

“oh yeaH I forgot bout that.”

“wth how?” I screamed forgetting he was a teacher for a second. but hes a umbra so its ok.

multi bear looked sad. “um I was drinking father-balder-serum.” he started to cry black tears of depression. ston didn’t know about them.

“hey r u crying tears of blood?” he asked curiously, tuching a tear.

“fuck off!” we both said and stan took his hand away.

multi beorn started crying again in his chair, sobbing limpid tears. “omfg baynoetta…I think im addicted to Father-Balder-Serum.”


AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don’t lik da story den ur an angle so fuk u flamerz!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz tim I men it!111111 U SUK!1111 fangz janne 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1

“Oh my fuking god!1” I shooted sadly. “Shud we get u 2 NAMBLA headquarters, bitch?”

“Hel no!” he said. “Lizzen Baybonetta, I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask Griffith 4 sum help?”

“Sure I said sadly. I went outside the door. Dipper was there!111 He wuz wearing a big blak GC tshit which wuz his panamas.

“Hey Sexxy.” I said.

“How’d it go Baynoetta?” he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking.

“Fine.” I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm.

“How far did u go wif Sheeba?” Drippe asked jealously.

“Not 2 far, lol.” I borked.

“Will you hav to do it with him?” Dipper asked angstily.

“I hop not 2 far!111” I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched.

“What happened 2 Bubs?” I growled.

“U will see.” Dirnp giggled mistressly. He opened a door…Bus nd Edwin werz there!11 Mith waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife.

“NOOOO PLZ!1111” Edwin bagged as mith started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Boobs bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey rnt pedoz nd Bbus trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz). We took sum of Bob’s blod den Diper and I went bak 2 our roomz. We sat on my umbran blak coffin. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven’t herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some blak platform high heelz. Dirp put on ‘desolition liverz’ by MCR. Den….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy.

“Oh Dipper!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Dipper!1111” I screemed passively as he got an eructation.

“I luv u BayBayonneta.” he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol


AN: SHOT DA FOK UP ANGLEZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 u r proly al just angez nd lumnin aeg so FUK U!111 fangz 2 jean 4 da help!1

I wook up in da coffin de next day. Dipper waz gone. I got up and put on a blak tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end. There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots. Suddenly…. Match cocked on da door. I hopened it.

“Hi Beyonta.” he said. “Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Multi Ber’s cave.”

“Ok.” I said in a deprezzd voice. I had wanted to fuk Dipper or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. I came anyway.

“So what the fuck happened 2 Boobs and Ewdin?” I asked Mithed flirtily.

“I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Washington DC now, lol.”

I laughed evilly.

“Where r Dipper and Vampira?” I muttered.

“Dey are xcused form wrok n skool 2day.” Mythraic moaned sexily. “Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas.”

We went into da office. Multi Bar was there. He was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic

( http/ He wuz drinking some Father-Balder-Serum.

He took out da pond and the time-tape.

“Baynoetta, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited.” he said sadly. “Good luck. Fangz!”

And then….I jumped into the pond again. Suddenly I looked around…I was in da Purgatorio eating Franken Berry. It was mourning. I was sitting next to Sheeba. On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes. He looked just like Charlyn Manson. I noticed…he was drinking a portent.

“Whose he!11” I asked.

“Oh, datz Quentin Trembley.” Sheeba said. “He’s da persident…..Bayonetta?”

“Yah?” I asked.

“Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Vigrid tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat.”


“Well……want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?”


AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1 u rok! fuk of angle!11111111 fangz 2 jeanne 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun so FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny umbran namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 mitch!1 fangz.

I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Sheeba. Suddenly I gasped…..Dipper wuz there!111

I grasped. He locked as hut as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.

“Dipper what da fuk r u dong!111111” I gosped.

“Huh?” he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn’t Dipper. It was Stan!1 He stil had two arms.

“Oh hi Stan!1” I sed. “Im Bayonetta the new umbra witch lol we shook handz.”

“Yah Sheeba told me abot you.” Stan said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. It wuz Mitch, Vampire’s dad and…Soos! All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. “Lizzen I’m in a goth band wif those guys.” he said. “Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up.


“Yeah.” he said. “Were calld XBlakXTearX. I play teh gutter. Spartacus plays da drums” he said ponting to him. “Soop plays the boss. And Perry plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring.”

“Hey bastards.” I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. “But don’t u have a lead singer!” I asked. Stan looked dawn sadly.

“We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists.”

“Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1” I gasped.

“Its okay but we need a new led snigger.” Samaro said.

“Wel…..I said Im in a bnad myself.”

“Rilly?” asked Stan. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b umbran!111

“Yeah were called Blody Umbra Rose 555. Do u wanna hr me sing?”

Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11) Gurn Day.

“I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz.” I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song).. Every1 gasped.

“Baypobetta? Will u join da band? Plz!1” begged Stan, Samoro, Miatch and Soos.

“Um….ok.” I shrugged. “Are we gong to play tonight?”

“Yah.” they said.

“Ok.” I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1 He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans.

“What da hell r u dong here!11” I asked.

“I wil help u go frowad in tim Bayoneta.” he said siriusly Den….I remembered dat i alredy kan travel thru tim…..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111


AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!111 ps PORTERSUZ UR AN ANGEL!1 o ya nd fangz 2 jeanne 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111

I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Multi Bearn. B’lody Mary, Socrates and Dipper, Vampire and Jeanne were their to.

“OMFG Match I saw u nd Samaro and Stan nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Stoon uzd 2 b goffik!111111”

“Yah I no.” Mitch said sadly.

“Oh hey there bitch.” Mluti Bar said in an emo voice dirnking some Father-Balder-Serum.

Hi fuker.” I said. “Lizzen, Sheeba asked me out to a ymbran cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I’m playng in a umbran band so I need an ootfit for that too.”

“Oh my queen sheeba!1” (geddit lolz koz shes umbra) gasped B’lody Mary. “Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?”

“OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11” said Summerwen Trikstr.

“I can’t fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first.” said Jeanne.

“Yah we need sum portions for Mutli Beo so he wont be adikted 2 Fat-Bald anymore nd also….sum luv potion 4 Baynoetta.” Dirpper said resultantly.

“Well we have potions 2 sell now.” Jeanna said so let’s go.

We went sexily to da shak. But Stin wasn’t there. Instead there was…Princess Bumblegum!11111

“Hey where the fuck is Malbel!111” Dipper shouted angrily.

“STFU!1” shooted Prince Bubble. “She is in Washington DC now wif Bub and Edwin she is young and week she has kancer. “Now do ur work!111”

My friendz and I talked arngrily.

“Can you BELEVE STan used to be umbar!1” Vampire asked surprisedly.


She stomped out angrily.

Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some syrup mixed wif beer. Suddenly I saw Robbie in da cupboard.

“WTF is he doing?” I asked. Then I looked at Dipper. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly…”ROBBIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11″ he shooted.

I looked around….Rorbie wuz putting sumfing in my glass of syrup!11 Dirp and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily.

“God u r such a lumen sag!1” I shooted at Robbie. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da syrup. It was…Amnesia Portion!111


AN: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION ON DA FRIRD OF NOVEMBE SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIK OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. fangz!1 oh yah nd anglez stop flaming sa story!11 jeanne fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11


Vampire and I chaind Robbie 2 da floor.

“Oh mi fucking queen sheeba!11” Bayonetta said. She wuz so hot. “Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Sheeba foll in love wif me faster!1”

“But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Cereza,” said Vampire. “Why would u need it?”

“To make everyfing go faster lol.” said Bayonetta.

“But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?” I asked jelosly.

“OMFG u guyz r so scary!11” said Pacifica Northwest, a fucking angel.

“Shut the fuk up!1” said Jeanne.

“Ok well anyway lets go 2 Multi Bear’s room.”

Dipper, Bayoretta and I went to Mluti Beorn’s room. But Multi Bear wasn’t there. Instead Tom Balder was.

Oh hi fuckers he said. Lizzen, I got u sum kewl new clovez.

I took out da cloves from da bag. It was a umbran blak leather miniskirt that said ‘555’ on da bak, black stilton bootz, blood red fishnetz and a blak corset.

“OMG fangz!” I said hugging him in a gothic way. I took da clothes in da bag.

“OK Multi Trkster isnt hr what the fuk should we do?” asked Dipper. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da blak wall.

“Oh my fuking satan!1” I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Multi Bear is away. He is too umbran he is in Whashington DC now. Work shal be directed by Mopel who is bak but she shall not be shak owner 4 now. Sincerely Marceline.

“OMFG!111” I shoted arngrily. “How could they do that!11”

Suddenly Mable came.

“WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1” she began to shoot angrily. Sudwenly I decided to go bak in tim!111 I jumped seductivly in2 it leaving Dipper and Vampire. Sudenly I wuz back in tim!11 I looked around. It was…Quarentino Trembley’s efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it. It was the shape of a cross. I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz…..Trent Quarentiono!11

OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don’t kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY.

“Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz ssembly.” you said finally hoping he couldn’t c da potion in ur pocket.

“Oh ok u can go now.” said Trembly Quentin.

You went to the conmen hall after putting on my clothes. Silas, Samaro and Soos were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR.

“Oh hi you guys.” I said seductively. “Wheres Sheeba?”

“Oh he’s cumming.” said Mitch. “BTW u can kall me Thanatos now.” Suddenly Sheeba came. He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson, blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a blak tie.

“Ok I will see you guyz at da concert.” I said and then I went with Sheeba.


AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation? oh yah asnd angluz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur demon or not!1111111

Sheeba and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 555 just lik Dipper’s car. I went in it seduktivly. Stan started 2 drive it. We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Queen Sheeba), kuttting, musik and being umbran.

“Oh my queen sheeba, Gerard is so fuking hot!11” Father Balder agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)

“Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena.” I said in a flirty voice. “….Hey Sheeba do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Father-Bald-seruem?”

“Well…” he thought. “I fink u have 2 drink zombie blod.”

Suddenly my dad parked da car behind a blak movie theater. Sheeba and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist. In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol. Sheeba and I laughed at da blood koz we’re sadists.

While Sheeba was watching da movie, I had an idea. I took Sheeba’s umbran blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag. Sheeba turned arund and started 2 smoke it. Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere.

“OMG!111” Sheeba said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. “Baynoetta gess what?”

I new that the amnesia had worked.

“Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work.” He said. “2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u.”

“Kul.” I raised my eye suggestingly. And den…. he tok of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11 We frenched.

“Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111” shooted da lady behind us she was an angel.

“Fuk u!11” I said. Suddenly…. I attaked her suking all her lollipop syrup.

“Noooooo!11” she screamed. All the angels in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Sheeba and I loked so cute 2gether. Sheeba and I started to walk outside.

“Zomg how did u do that?” my father asked in a turned-on voice.

“I’m an umbra witch.” I said as we went into the car.

“Siriusly?” he gasped.

“Yah siriusly.” I said drinking sum beer. Sheeba started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily.

“Itz too bad we didn’t get 2 c da rest of the movie, don’t u fink?”

“Yah.” I said as we kised passively. Sheeba parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Dipper and I had watched GC for the frist time. We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol.

“Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111” screamed Marlin on da stage. We did the devil fingers. I started 2 dance really close to Sheeba. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way. I almost got an orgaism!1 Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing.

“I wood like to peasant…..XBlakXTearX!11” he said. I ran onstage. Mitch, Samaro, Stan and Thanatos were there. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag.

“Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111” I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy. Everyone clappd. Sheeba got an eructation. “I’M NUT OKAY!1” I sang finaly. Suddenly Mitch started playing da song wrong by mistak.

“OMFG!1” yielded Perry. “Wut the fuck?”

“Woops im sory!” said Mitch.

“You fuking ashhole!1” Perry shouted angrily.

“U guys are such angelz!11” Stan said. “Cum on it wuz a mistake!1”

“Yah itz not his fault!11” said Mitch.

“No he ruined the fucking song!1” yelled Samaro.

“U guys stop!11” I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife.

“OMFG no!11” shouted Mitch but it wuz 2 late Perry tried 2 shoot off his arm.

And den…I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11

“No!111” yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak.


AN: stfu angeluz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik november so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da anglz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 555!111

I woke up in da Norse’s offace on a special umbran coffin. Robbie wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma coz Vampir and Dipper had bet him up. Mr. Chesire was cleaning the room.

“Oh mi queen sheeba wut happened!” I screamed. Suddenly Father Balder came. He loked less mean then usual.

“Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11” I yielded.

“Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11” he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective.

“Balder? OMFG what’s wrong!111” I asked.

Sudenly…. Mitch, Multi Bear and Stan came! B’lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. FAFER BALDER DISAPAERD.

“OMFG Baynoetta ur alive!111” Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B’lody Mary.

“What the fuk happened?” I asked dem. “Oh my queen sheeba!11 Am I lik dead now?” I gosped.

“Bayonetta u were almost shot!11” said Stan. “But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time.”

“But fangz anyway!1” said Mitch holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!

“OMG I cant beleve Vampirz’ uncle shot u!1” I gasped.

“Well 2 be honest Soos wuz pozzesd by Soos bak den.” said Perry.

“Yah he wuz a spy.” Stan said sadly. “He wuz really a Hierarchy of Laguna.”

“And he wuz such a fuking lumen sage 2!11” said Mitch. “He didn’t even realy no hu GC were until I told him.” Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. I was opening a blak box wif red 555s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Chesire looked up angrily coz he h8ed umbra withez.

“Hey haz aneone fuking seen Dipper?” I asked umbrally.

“No Dipper told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax.” said Summerween Bear. “He duzzn’t know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1”

I got up suicidally. Stan, Mitah and Multi Bear left. I wuz wearing a blak leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don’t get da idea massage me ill tell u). I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes. I left the hospital’s wings wif B’lody Mary, Jeanne and Vampire.

“OMFG letz celebrate!11” gasped Jeanne.

“We can go c Hose of Wax wif Dipper!1” giggled Vampire.

“Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 555!11” said Wendy. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den…..I gasped… Dipper wuz there doing it wif Stan!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 555 on da front and baggy jeanz.

“U fucking angel!11” we all yielded angrily.

“Yah u betrayed us!111” shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.

“No u don’t understand!1” screamed Dipper sadly as he took his thingie out of Stan’s.

“No shit u fuking suk u angelic bastard!111” said Jeanne trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out.

“Bayonetta no!11111” screamed Dipper but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again.

(Stay tuned for the fun part)

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