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Why Tolkien sucks

December 23, 2012

“In general, because this always makes me angry: In Tolkien’s world, your destiny is determined by your birth: you don’t get a choice, or any independence of action; you are your race. Orcs are always exaggeratedly degraded and evil, always ugly, because they’re Orcs. Dwarves are always greedy and blustering. Hobbits are always pastoral and bumbling in a way that is supposed to make them the innocent and cherishable Good Guys; there is no such thing as a clever hobbit. Women, always treated as Other, are always droopy pawns who make bad decisions and only exist to be pawed over. Men of the West, Grey-Eyed And Fair, Are Always Always Good And Always The Best And Always Trustworthy, Superior To All Races, And How Sad It Is that This Bloodline Is Vanishing, If Only We Were Breeding More of this Superior Grey-Eyed Race, The World Would Not Fade, ad nauseam. There is never a flawed Good Guy, who is Grey-Eyed And Stern But Also Called To Task For His Murdery-ness, or a Terribly Hideous Orc Who Exhibits Compassion and Grace, because characters are determined by their birth. Boromir’s lapse from grace is because he wasn’t Aryan enough, unlike his brother Faramir, whose pretty grey eyes and pale sensitive face demonstrated that he had the Noble Blood of Nobleness. It is stated that the world is fading and growing weaker because the Elves, Highest and Purest And Noblest of All Because of their Race, are emigrating, and the Purest Men are outbreeding with the Lower Men, diluting their precious perfect race. Aragorn is set up as the Best King Ever because he most accurately reflects the appearance and values of the vanishing white guys. And the degraded minority humans just keep taking over, so obviously all the goodness and magic is leaching out of the world. It’s a confederate wet dream.”


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