Das Furries: episode one script
[Theme music with character intros]
[Gang at the bar. Wolf drinking coffee, Horse drinking a beer, Foie Gras and Fruit Fly chatting, Platypus-kun smoking pot. Tiger enters, and walks towards them]
Wolf: Can’t you fucking believe it? Those republican atheists are at it again!
Horse: Those bastards never stop! It’s like they want a death wish or something, always supporting the theocracy retards.
Tiger: Guys, I have urgent news!
Foie Gras: What the fuck is it now!?
Tiger: I was checking Fur Affinity…
Tiger: And it turns out all the gay porn artists are drawing straight porn and faving straight porn pictures!
Fruit Fly: Oh my Meesh, my worst nightmare came true! Now there won’t be yaoi left!
Wolf: [whining] I bet it’s those conservative atheists again!
Horse: Yeah, only they can make such an evil scheme to try fursecute us!
Foie Gras: What do you think we should do, Platypus-kun?
Platypus-kun: [beat] Nyan…
[Cut to a random room with a computer in it. Everyone is gathered around it, while Wolf types]
Wolf: Oh my HushHusky! It’s true!
Foie Gras: Fucking conservative atheist bastards, I’m going to fucking kill them!
Wolf: It’s hopeless! BAWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
[Suddenly, DramaLlama comes in]
Foie Gras: Who the fucking hell are you?
Fruit Fly: What did you say, Llama-chan?
Foie Gras: Okay, he’s fucking with us! I’m going to fucking kill you and fuck every hole in your body!
[Foie Gras chases after DramaLlama into “FurCity”, and then they stop near a bunch of conservative atheists]
Conservative Atheist #1: Soon, our darkest plans will come to fruition1
Conservative Atheist #2: Yes, our evil infection of FurAffinity will bring about the destruction of the Earth! Bwahahaha!!!
Foie Gras: Oh yeah!? Talk to the fist, bitches!
Conservative Atheist #1 and #2: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!! [are beaten to death]
[Foie Gras returns to the room]
Foie Gras: Great news guys, the evil conservative atheists behind the evilness have been killed!
Fruit Fly: But the yaoi is still dying!
Foie Gras: WHAT!? I killed the bastards! How can the infection still be on!?
Horse: I don’t think that was the infection they were talking about…
[Computer explodes, and FurAffinity dies]